Um...Paro

Thursday, December 30, 2004
Disaster Relief

I'm ashamed to admit that I just found out about the Tsunami disaster. I don't always keep up with the news and I've been sort of reclusive lately. Please make a donation to one of these disaster relief funds to help out the victims:

Red Cross
Sulekha
Care

Every little bit counts; even $5 helps make a difference. It only takes 5 minutes to do so.

posted at 12/30/2004 by Amparo | (0) comments?

Happy Holidays!

Christmas was pretty mellow and dramaless. Thank God. I dread Thanksgiving and Christmas because too much can go wrong. I am an only child who is as different from my parents as I can be. My parents are also so unalike that they divorced when I was 7. Through my 33 years of being on this planet, one thing I learned for sure is to bite my tongue.

It is almost 2005 and I've been doing the usual assessing that most people do around this time. I also feel a little extra pressure because my birthday is coming up in just a little over a month. There's been the mad dash to organize the piles in my home and head. I made a deadline to try to finish some of the de-piling by the end of the year but who knows if I'll make it. Especially if I'm here on the internet writing in my blog and compulsively checking my email!

I made this list inspired by an entry by Andrea of Superhero Designs. She writes about creating intentions and the Mondo Beyondo list which is a list of the bigger than big dreams that you have. So here is my list. Small intentions mixed in with big dreams. I'm calling out...I'm throwing out some stardust to the universe in the hopes of turning them into twinkling little stars.

I intend to:

-Show the people in my life how much I love them.
-Practice kindness to strangers.
-Say hello to strangers in a confident way.
-Organize my life and keep it that way.
-Drink more water.
-Breathe more deeply.
-Exercise regularly.
-Have less distraction/procrastination time.
-Wake up earlier.
-Get a commercial agent.
-Land a national commercial so that the money can allow me to pursue my passions more easily.
-Become a talented actress. Acting was once a passion that I let go of because I listened to too many people.
-Get a theatrical agent and land "real roles".
-Continue photographing and working with mixed media.
-Break new ground in my visual work.
-Get a gallery show/find representation.

May you all have wonderful 2005 and may your dreams, big and small, come true!

posted at 12/30/2004 by Amparo | (0) comments?

Wednesday, December 22, 2004
JPG Magazine

This photo will be published in JPG Magazine which will be coming out in January. It is one of my favorite photos which was taken in front of my place in San Francisco. I love the little dinosaurs on the mattress.

posted at 12/22/2004 by Amparo | (0) comments?

Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Earrings

This weekend I did something that marked a change in my life...
I took out my 8 gauge earrings that I've had in my ears for 7 years. I actually wanted to take them out a while ago, but couldn't do it myself. I needed special pliars to open them and I just never go around to going to a piercing shop to do so. They were given to me by a 20 year old raver guy with whom I had a short little fling with in San Francisco. He wore pants that completely covered his feet, bleached hair, and had a big rod through his nasal septum. I was intrigued. He also had colorful alien tatoos all over his body which he said signified the rave culture that saved him when he ran away from home at 14 years of age. He never finished high school. I picked a real winner, eh?

He did a lot of drugs and by the time he left San Francisco (His stay wasn't long.) he was addicted to heroin and shot it up at least once. Sad. He really didn't think that he had anything going for him and drugs were all that he had. He told me this in so many words. I wasn't seeing him at this point, although I paid him a couple of visits.

I lent him twenty bucks when he left for Colorado. I knew that I would never see the money again which was a lot for my broke ass. Months later the phone woke me up from my morning sleep. It was him and he just wanted to thank me for my help. That was it and I have no idea where and how he is in this world now.

That is the story behind the earrings which were given to me when he decided that he was going to get bigger gauged earrings and pierce his entire body. They don't hold any sentimental value regarding him but I do like their history. They sort of signified a certain period in my life. My dancing days. My San Francisco days. My hazy days. My crazy days.

When my friend who is a piercer took them out this weekend, I felt a twinge of sadness, like I was losing a little part of myself.

Oooh, but did I mention that I now have a whole new category of accessorizing now?

posted at 12/21/2004 by Amparo | (0) comments?

Sunday, December 19, 2004
Damn It!

I've been working on a photographic series of a very cliched subject for past 7 years. So I there are many other photographers out there in the world working on that very same subject. I am not expecting to be original about the whole thing. What is disappointing is when I walk into a gallery and see photos done in an exact format and style as this particular series. Even more disappointing is looking at a shelf in said gallery and seeing a book by this same photographer with these photographs inside.

posted at 12/19/2004 by Amparo | (0) comments?

Friday, December 17, 2004
Kicking the habit

So I think that I have finally kicked my "social smoking" habit for good. I went on a quasi-cleanse that included two weeks of no sugar and one month of no drinking or smoking. ( Although, I told myself from the onset that I could make special exceptions to the no drinking rule since this is the holiday season. But it had to be a very special occasion, e.g. Thanksgiving.)

John and I had a holiday party this last weekend that happened to land on the day that I was finally able to drink with no apologies. Thinking back on that evening, I'm pretty amazed that I didn't have that crazy craving for a cigarette that I always get after a few drinks. It's terrible; I usually can't stop thinking about it until I finally have a smoke.

Anyways, my friend says that she is going out to the balcony for a smoke and asked if I'd like one. I didn't REALLY want one, but since smoking is what I usually do while drinking, I thought, "Alright, why not? I know that my lungs have been clean for a month but what the hell? It's my holiday party! Whee!" I had lost all judgment and didn't even truly want to smoke. It just seemed like the thing to do at the moment.

I can't even remember whether I smoked one or two cigarettes, that's how toasted I was. What I do remember is that I started feeling sick and someone asking me, "Are you alright?" Uh-oh, this was the familiar feeling of smoking a cigarette that is way too strong for me but now combined with having drank (drunk?) too much.

I ended up throwing up. Maybe that is too much information, but this must be told to stress how much I have been affected.

Now, I have absolutely no desire or curiosity about smoking a cigarette. The true test came when I was at an art opening with a friend the other night. She lit up and at first I had an ingrained reaction from years of social smoking. I sort of lit up and my attention zoomed in on her actions, but then only a split second later I felt, "ew". When I smelled the smoke I actually had to step away because it made me feel ill.

I now have a very negative association with smoking. I only hope that this association never fades.

posted at 12/17/2004 by Amparo | (0) comments?

Monday, December 13, 2004
Saloon Girl

Here I am dressed and made up as a saloon girl for the movie. I think that I look kind of scary with all of that makeup on.
The whole thing was pretty fun.

posted at 12/13/2004 by Amparo | (0) comments?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004
New Responsibilities

Well my art and photo projects will have to be on hold for a little while. I can say that this is a good thing...

Everything seems to be happening at once. First, I signed up for an acting class and this is a little different than the other ones that I have taken recently. I have just been doing cold reading and I must try my best to memorize my lines for this class. The people in it are pretty serious and I am excited about learning and devoleping the craft more.

Last month, I had signed up at an agency that specializes in background workers. I received a call at 11:39 AM while I was running errands.
"Hi this is B from C. Would you like to go to a meet and greet for a part in a feature?"

"Um, well, wow. This is really last minute. I am out and about right now," I say as I am trying to maneuver my car in a parking lot.

"How about tomorrow?"

"Is this about being an extra in a movie?"

"No this is a part in a feature film"

"Oh, well I suppose I can try to make it."

She gave me the info and told me to look sexy since the part is for a saloon girl. Sexy? It was cold and drizzly out. But I did my best.

When I arrived at the ranch, I realized that I should have gotten one small detail: the name of the production. I went to 2 different film sets (which included Fear Factor) before I found the right one. I also felt quite silly walking around in heels at a ranch.

The meet and greet was simple. I was introduced to the director, we exchanged pleasantries, and he approved. As a second thought, he asked me to open my jacket. This is where I felt strange since I am not one to exhibit my wares in such a fashion. But I obliged and he gave me the thumbs up. Afterwards, I proceeded to get fitted in my saloon girl outfit.

This is not a major part or anything. It is known as a silent bit part. There is not any dialogue but there will be a little more attention on me (and the 2 other saloon girls) than a regular extra because we are a part of the story.

Last week, I did a commercial agent mailing and received a call from an agency. I have an appointment next week and I must have a monologue AND a commercial ready. That means that I have 3 (that includes the script from my class) different scripts to memorize! I am freaking out! My memory is not the best due to my crazy days of raving and I have to work extra hard to get my lines down. Oh no!!!!

I am excited by all of these changes and challenges. Wish me luck!

posted at 12/08/2004 by Amparo | (0) comments?

Monday, December 06, 2004
Focus Focus

I must start waking up earlier and lessen my internet time. I'm always looking around online for more information. I am an information fiend yet I forget tend to forget most of what I read. Since I spend so much time online you'd think that I would be better at responding to emails and posting on my blog, but I'm lazy. Much easier to passively surf than think and type. Terrible.

Worst of all is that my sleeping and internet habits are keeping me from getting other things done in my life. I have too many unfinished projects laying around. It's overwhelming. I seemed to have lost my momentum since I have moved to LA. The move interrupted my flow and other things (i.e. getting the house together and looking for work) just kept getting in the way afterwards. I can sometimes pick up and go for a while but I run out of steam or lose focus.

I have a wonderful schedule right now and it won't last forever. I better start taking full advantage of it before I end up kicking myself hard.

posted at 12/06/2004 by Amparo | (0) comments?